yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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