she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
