Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
