He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
