ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
