Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
