I wannas sexs uuuuu
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
