my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
