Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
