Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
