omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
