Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
