She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
