Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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