Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
