I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
