do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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