I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
