i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
