Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
