Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
