I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
