somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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