Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
