In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
