You're my little dorito
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
