I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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