Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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