My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
