Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
