From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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