I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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