Umm I'm too high to move.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
