i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My balls are so social today.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
