I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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