I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
