Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
