Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
