It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think i got beer on your cat.
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