just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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