my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
