my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
