ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
