Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
