He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
