dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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