I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
