that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
