Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
