Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
