my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
