do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
