a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
