I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
