is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
