Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
